Monday, January 7, 2013

Just relax.

Infertility is very misunderstood. Two things in life make people uncomfortable, infertile woman and vegetarians. I am both!!

People say some really off the wall things to us about not being able to conceive.  Some things are mean, said with no thought or understanding and others just off the wall. Some people totally ignore the topic while others wrap us with unbelievable love and companion. Our infertility is not “unexplained”. We are not “trying to hard”, we do not need to “relax”, and adoption won’t clear my Fallopian tubes. We understand life lessons, God’s speed, faith and patients. We know about your sister’s friend’s aunt whose sister knows a lady at her children’s daycare that had 5 kids after 12 years of trying to conceive. We know it’s hard to find the right words to say. Watching other people struggle is sometimes uncomfortable. We get it. 

1 out of every 10 couples will experience infertility and struggle to conceive. The sad part is a lot of women don’t talk about it. It’s bitterly painful. How to you explain to someone who has happy healthy children the pain that you and your partner are experiencing. It’s impossible to explain to someone who hasn't experienced infertility the absolute and utter despair you feel when you look into your partners face for the forth time and tell them that once again the positive pregnancy test will not lead to a happy healthy baby in nine months. The guilt I feel for not being able to give my perfectly healthy fertile husband a child is pretty deep. He doesn't like it when I say that and hates that I feel that way but it’s the truth. The good thing is I know he’s a good man. He’s in this for the long hall. He’s kind. This is not "my problem", this is "our problem".

Infertility is hard on everyone. My sweet parents, whew. My mom would give her right arm for a grand baby.  She hasn't slept in the past four years. She worries, worries, worries. I’m sad that she feels sad for us. When I told my dad that we might be adopting (the adoption that failed) he was so excited. He said being a grandfather was on his “bucket list”. Hard shit to deal with but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, I think lol.

We are not bitter and we haven’t lost faith but we are exhausted. We are grateful for people like Maria, Lela, our dear Moms and many others who help us along the way with much needed mental support. 

Maria is my sister in law. My brothers wife. She's a no nonsense girl. She fights for what she wants. The girl does NOT give up. She’s like a boxer. She takes hit, after hit, after hit and still fights. She’s as tough as tough can be. She’s a good woman to have in your corner. We are lucky to have her. 

And my sweet sister in law Lela. Awwww where do I begin. She’s like the foundation of a strong, sturdy, well-built home. Without her nothing is possible. She’s is like a bullet proof vest. She’s a rock!

I am thankful for all of those who see this journey as something we share. I'm thankful for those who are willing to take over when I just don't have the energy to think about IVF for another second. The love and support I feel from people around me is amazing. It's nice in these moments of stress to have such a strong team. Thank you peps. Thank you. 


Michael said...

I used a surrogate and had a few failed attempts and kept hearing, "I know it'll happen" or "It'll work next time" and the truth is that they didn't know that for sure. It's hard. My "infertility" was different than yours so I won't say I fully understand what you're feeling. All I know is that the best thing I heard when I was down was someone saying, "I want you to be a dad." No promises for things he couldn't promise. So all I'll say to you is, "I hope you become a mom." That's my wish. Good luck, know that a lot of us are out here in the internet are supporting you and keep us posted.

DaveAubreyandaTree said...

lots of truth in this post.

Hey, I just found your blog and wanted to wish you the best. I have had 2 ectopic pregnancies and later had to decide to have the"rest" of my tubes removed because of the damage. This was 5/2010 (ectopic right tube), 9/2010 (ectopic left tube), 2/2011 (surgery, removal if the rest of the tubes). We then had only one option and that is obviously ivf. We could only afford one cycle. We found out while doing ivf that I also had DOR, so we only had two eggs to transfer but we did end up having a baby. I'm not trying to "give you hope" through my experience because I know that is not the way it works! I just know what it's like to feel useless because a part of your female anatomy doesn't work, well,for's gone. I hope something works for you guys soon whether that be ivf or adoption. love.