Friday, August 26, 2011


The other day a bloggie friend sent me an email to check in on me and see how I was doing. I responded and told her what was up. She then replied with the sweetest email. I am so lucky to have such sweet bloggie friends. I love that I have a small little community of friends from around the country that can totally relate and know just the right thing to say.

This is a little piece of her email. I mean really, why am I so lucky to know this woman :)

I think they're prices are fairly reasonable and if you came to him, you could stay with us...seriously, we're like 5 minutes from his office. I'll even give you your PIO shots if you need me to! Just throwing that out there for food for thought...

Thank you "A" for the email. It warms my heart every time I think of your offer.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Spark, Spunk, Joy......... Happiness

I ripped this pic from the Internet. I love it. When I am feeling like myself this is what my brain looks like :)

It's official folks, I have lost my SPARK!!

For those who know me know I am a cheerful, colorful, sparky sometimes spazzy kind of girl. If's "it's" funky, old, vintage or weird I love it. If "it" shines, glimmers, glitters I am drawn to it. Several years ago my hair was pink and then purple (not in a cut your wrists emo kind of way but in a fun kind of way).

Well friends I have lost that girl. I have felt different the past couple months and just wrote it off as crazed hormones from the IVF medication. But that was in May. That can't still be it, can it? That medication jacked me up. I was a crazy person who's freaking hair was falling out. JOY!

My husband has said a number of times I seem like something is on my mind, I don't seem like myself. My boss asked me out of the blue a couple weeks ago if I was ok. A couple other people have said little things in passing asking if something was wrong. Today my sister in law asked me if I was ok and said something seems to be off with me. She said I am usually crazy and happy and I haven't been like that for awhile. Geeeeezzzzz people is it that noticeable?

I don't feel like myself. I feel weird but I can't put my finger on it. It's not depression. It's like my spark is gone. My cheerful little weirdness has faded. WTF?!?!?!?

I know I get caught up in my own thoughts, A LOT!! I worry, worry, worry about IVF and babies. Looks like now that others have noticed my spark is gone I need to put my big girl panties on and find some flipping joy in my day to day life.

If I was in Salt Lake I would make an appointment with my favorite funky hair stylist. I would start my come back tomorrow with short pink hair. That will have to wait until December. For now I will just try and focus on being happy, finding joy in my day to day like. I need remind myself kids or no kids my life is A-OK.

Wish me luck. I am going to need it.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

IVF is addicting

Even Barbie's friend Midge can get prego in her plastic uterus. Stupid chick.

Please tell me how something so expensive and stressful can be SO addicting?!?!?!?!? It should be a crime to charge baby starved folks tons of money to have a baby.

Jason and I went to our adoption orientation and it was very eye opening to say the least. I am happy that we went because it answered a ton of questions. The amount of time, research and energy that it will take is more than we have to give right now. We just don't have the energy for both IVF and adoption. We are not ready to give up on biological babies just yet. For those of you who have done IVF or adoption, you know they take a 100% of your heart and soul. We would like to focus on IVF right now. I am not getting any younger over here. In no way shape or form have we closed the door to adoption. I just want a flipping baby in MY UTERUS JUST ONCE!!!! Just one little chubby Jen and Jason. That's all I ask.

I am considering using a new RE in Utah. Two of my dear friends have used Sandy Reproductive Center and both have nothing but great things to say about the clinic. My husband and I will be in Utah to see my family this Christmas so I think we will visit the clinic then. Hope to try IVF #2 early 2012.

Congrats to my dearest friend Jenny !!!!! The world is blessed to have you. I love and miss ya like crazy.