Sunday, August 7, 2011
Spark, Spunk, Joy......... Happiness
I ripped this pic from the Internet. I love it. When I am feeling like myself this is what my brain looks like :)
It's official folks, I have lost my SPARK!!
For those who know me know I am a cheerful, colorful, sparky sometimes spazzy kind of girl. If's "it's" funky, old, vintage or weird I love it. If "it" shines, glimmers, glitters I am drawn to it. Several years ago my hair was pink and then purple (not in a cut your wrists emo kind of way but in a fun kind of way).
Well friends I have lost that girl. I have felt different the past couple months and just wrote it off as crazed hormones from the IVF medication. But that was in May. That can't still be it, can it? That medication jacked me up. I was a crazy person who's freaking hair was falling out. JOY!
My husband has said a number of times I seem like something is on my mind, I don't seem like myself. My boss asked me out of the blue a couple weeks ago if I was ok. A couple other people have said little things in passing asking if something was wrong. Today my sister in law asked me if I was ok and said something seems to be off with me. She said I am usually crazy and happy and I haven't been like that for awhile. Geeeeezzzzz people is it that noticeable?
I don't feel like myself. I feel weird but I can't put my finger on it. It's not depression. It's like my spark is gone. My cheerful little weirdness has faded. WTF?!?!?!?
I know I get caught up in my own thoughts, A LOT!! I worry, worry, worry about IVF and babies. Looks like now that others have noticed my spark is gone I need to put my big girl panties on and find some flipping joy in my day to day life.
If I was in Salt Lake I would make an appointment with my favorite funky hair stylist. I would start my come back tomorrow with short pink hair. That will have to wait until December. For now I will just try and focus on being happy, finding joy in my day to day like. I need remind myself kids or no kids my life is A-OK.
Wish me luck. I am going to need it.