Thursday, February 28, 2013

Game Plan

OK so we have a game plan. I saw Dr Lu yesterday. He is super positive, super smart and makes me feel like everything is going to be ok. In about a week and a half we start the process. Thank you everyone that has donated and continues to donate. THANK YOU!!

Monday, February 25, 2013

A lot can happen in 10 months

Last May I sat in front of my RE Dr. Lu trying to figure out what to do. I just wanted him to tell me what I needed to do, I was willing to do whatever he thought best. What I did not know while I was seeking his advice is, I was pregnant.

Weeks later I would discover I was pregnant in my remaining fallopian tube. After weeks and weeks of blood work, a gut wrenching ultrasound and two dose of methotrexate the thought of following through with Dr. Lu's plan was just too much to think about. We decided we would pick up the pieces and try again in 2013.

October 2012 life was turned upside down and inside out. Out of the blue the word adoption became a hopeful dreamy word in our world. We were going to be parents. We were finally going use the baby girl name Jason had fallen in love with four years prior. It all made sense I thought. Years and years of failed pregnancies had led us to this moment. We were meant to be Jaya's parents.

December 2012 came the worst blow yet. I felt like I was dropped from a 100 story building. My husband falling with me. Looking at each other falling slowly. It's like we were pushed without warning. Complete and utter grief stuck over us. Grief of not being parents. Not again. Why? I can't explain the confusion we felt. It was like a cruel joke. We look back now and feel so foolish. 20/20, right.

During the months of believing we would be parents my mom and my sister in law Maria kept a close eye on us. When the adoption unraveled Maria became more determined than ever to help us become parents. I was broken. All I could do was tell Maria what I wanted to do, which was IVF but told her I didn't have to energy to work out the details. Maria took total control. She contacted Lela Jason's sister and off they went. Maria's determination and crazy optimism became contagious. The $15,000 needed did not scare Maria like it did me. She started a facebook page asking for the help of others. She has hustled haircuts, worked her ass off posting and selling items on e*bay.

So many have donated and I am thankful to them ALL but without Maria pushing me to move forward, starting the facebook page and putting our story out there we would not have the $4,200 dollars we have today (and counting). Truly amazing.

In less than a year I have been pregnant, been a parent in my heart and now almost full circle I will sit in front of Dr. Lu once again planning the beginning steps of IVF. I am excited for the future and feel so loved.

I will never be able to express how grateful I am to Maria, my Mom, Lela and all the others who have helped us on our journey to become a maw and paw.

Dr. Lu here we come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Moving right along

The IVF fundraiser is moving along nicely. Better than expected really. My sister in law Maria has been working her little booty off pimping our story. She is raising money left and right for us. Everyone has been so generous. My sister in law KC has started a fundraiser for us too. My brother in law Chris is doing a little ebay side work for us. My friend Marianne won big bucks at the casino and give it all to us. Everyone is doing what they can. We are so lucky to have everyone's support. I am so thankful for all the lovely people in my life.

We have an appointment with our IVF doctor at the end of this month. I am so ready to get this show on the road!!!!!!!!!!

Today is bitter sweet. The baby that we thought would be ours was born today. Crazy to think just months ago it was planned she would be ours. Not sad or mad just a weird feeling inside. I am happy that they decided to keep her and raise her. I wish them all the best. 

Thank you everyone for your supportive calls, texts and sweet comments. An internet "friend" left me a comment that said, "I hope you become a mom. That's my wish". HOW SWEET IS THAT?!?! I think about that comment everyday. I hope that too my dear.