Waiting for Daisy

Sunday I read this book from cover to cover. It is a great story about a couples desire to have a child.
It's a must read for those trying and TRYING to conceive.

Visualize.........

My "head" doctor said, "VISUALIZE being pregnant. Visualize the IVF process. Visualize your ovaries working. Visualize the embryo attaching to your uterus. Visualize being pregnant."

Wow I love it. It really struck a cord in me. She also said, "You can't predict the outcome so imagine the very best."

I like her. She's smart.

Confused

I am confused. I guess I don't completely understand ectopic pregnancies and IVF. I understand when trying to conceive naturally your risk of having an ectopic, after already having at least one, is higher and high with each one. Makes sense. OK so how in the hell do your chances increase with IVF once you have already had an ectopic. IVF with no history of ectopic's your chances are 2-3% chance of having one. IVF with history of ectopic 5%. I know we are talking LOW numbers here but how are your chances increased. Aren't the tubes out of the game at this point?? I guess I don't understand what the egg does before it implants. Does it travel all around, down the tubes and back before implanting. Does it travel down the tube and get stuck. I don't understand. Weird!! All I know is I have had my fill of ectopic pregnancies and I am not going to pay $15,000 for another. Oh the joys of being an infertile. Crap I tell ya!!!!!!! Crap!!

The PILL!!

I just want to say life is confusing. I am on the pill but cant have babies without the help of IVF. And I'm not talking the birth control pill you take at the beginning of your IVF process so they can gain control over your cycle. I am talking straight up birth control. Because without this amazing little pill I would get pregnant in my remaining tube, AGAIN. I know, I know. It's good news in the grand scheme of things but weird as hell for a woman that wants a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got nothin'

While I am sooooooooo excited about my upcoming IVF plans I just cant think of anything special to say this week. I am feeling bad for all the wildlife being tortured by the horrific BP OIL CLUSTER F*CK!! My heart truly hurts for the entire Gulf Coast. There is a heavy load on the folks down here and the mood is somber. It feels hopeless and desperate. I hate it. I hope that some how some way all the animals being affected by the oil feel no pain and if they must die I hope its quick and painless. Sad. Sad. Sad.

IVF Fund is GROWING!!!!!

My MOM just added a nice CHUNK of change to the IVF fund. Thanks mom. Because of her lovely contribution I was able to revise my "CHIPIN" donation widget. The IVF fund is growing and that makes me happier than anyone could ever imagine. YIPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIONESS WANNA BE THATS ME

I feel like a Lioness without a cub. I am protecting the idea of my future cub. I am protecting every thought, every dime, every wish I have for my future cub. It's all I have right now and I feel fierce so watch out, don't mess with me. This Lioness wanna be is watching for lurkers sniffing around her den disturbing her thoughts. Heaven help us all when I have pregnancy hormones running through my veins :)

I am lucky

In the past year I have had three tubal pregnancies. I say this because once I really sit back and think about it that is some hardcore shit. In the infertile world I am considered "lucky". Most woman have NEVER seen a positive pregnancy test. Most have never seen their little "bean" on an ultrasound screen. Well I have experienced both. My problem is not getting pregnant its getting pregnant in my uterus. My fallopian tubes tube is crap and can't push the little baby to my uterus. The doctors know my problem and IVF was created for woman with my problem. YIPPY!!!!! So see, I am lucky. A new little friend of mine made a great point. She has unexplained infertility .She has spent years and TONS of money trying to conceive and still, nothing.  She said,  "If a doctor told me all I needed to do is pay $15,000.00 to have a baby, I would pay it in a heartbeat." Wow, really.  I never thought of it like that and it sure makes me feel LUCKY.

DON'T say whats on your fertile little mind.

1. It will happen when you least expect it.
2. If its meant to be it will be.
3. God has a plan for you.
4. Let go and let God.
5. Maybe you will get pregnant now that you aren't living in sin.
6. When you stop TRYING and relax it will happen.
7. You can have MY child.
8. Have you thought about adoption.

I really am working on not being so bitter. Really I am :)