Monday, May 31, 2010

Little bits of craziness fill my head and I blame it on Target

Sometimes I cant help but "hate" pregnant strangers and women with newborn babies. I just went to Starbucks (in a Target store) and I felt like every woman in f-ing store was either prego or carrying a car seat. Jealousy feels my veins. Even worse when there is a mother with a boatload of children and she is yelling at half of them. Never would I wish a second of infertility on any of them, NEVER but I cant help but think of them as ungrateful. I KNOW this is just me being jealous. I just know it. And sometimes I look at pregnant woman and think what if she just completed her 3rd round of IVF and is so thankful to be pregnant she can hardly stand it. What if she has been trying for year and years and mortgaged her home ten times over. Maybe the women who have been trying and trying send off a different vibe then those who just climbed in bed and ta-da, pregnant. Again I am just being jealous. So I just hope the day I am cruising around Target 9 months pregnant I don't make a motherless woman jealous. Maybe I should just stay out of Target all together.

Saturday, May 29, 2010


This is ALL still sinking in. It is all so scary. The money, the medicine, the needles...... IVF is in our near future. WOW. Really??!! Most everyone gets to have a baby for "free". Not us. We must pay at least $15,000 to have us a little baby(s). I am grateful for modern medicine. We are truly blessed that there is hope for us. We are grateful for IVF. While it is expensive and insurance doesn't cover a dime, we are grateful for the option. Our goal is to start the IVF process late fall of 2010. Not much time to save THOUSANDS!!!!!!!! But we have hope that it will all work out. At this point we need $6,000 more dollars to begin. We were given a HUGE donation from a very dear family member. We are forever thankful for her kindness and know that her donation brings us steps away from our dream. In the next couple weeks we will be setting up a "donation" account. Without the help of others it could take us YEARS and could cause us to be in terrible debt. No way to start a family right :) So here starts the beginning steps of our IVF journey. Wish us luck.