Aunt Flo

My dear Aunt Flo showed up today!! Good girl!!

I called Nurse Alaska to let her know. Just waiting to hear back from her so that we can set a schedule. Looks like I will be on birth control for 14-21 days starting Thursday and then I will start my meds. Ahhhhhh!!

In a weird twist of fate today I met a girl from my work that did IVF last November. She works at a different office and has been at my office helping out this week. She is super easy to talk to so we starting chatting and I discovered she had just done IVF.  Instant bond!!! She has allllllll sorts of shit left over. Needles, meds, sharps container ................ you name it. She is going to gather up all her leftovers and bring them to ME!!!!!!!!!!!! How freaking great is she!!

I can't believe the time has come!!!!!! From this point on we are IN. ALL IN!!!!!!

Nurse Alaska called

Nurse Alaska called yesterday and really cleared my head. She was super mellow and very matter of fact just like Dr. Anderson. She called me from her home and had tons of dogs barking in the back ground. My kind of girl.


Aunt flow should show up in about 12 days. That's when we can plan everything out. I am thinking we will be in Alaska sometime mid-May.

For now I am just trying to take good care of my body, cut down to one cup of coffee a day and exercise a bit. Hope to be off coffee completely in a couple weeks :( Coffee is my ONLY vice so I hate giving it up.

I am really excited for this adventure. I am ready for all the stress and WAITING that comes along with IVF. My past head doc told me to picture myself pregnant. Picture the embryo implanting. Picture each step working. Think as if it is going to happen. Ahhhhh It’s hard to do and not be afraid of getting your hopes up.

I turn 35 May 21st so time is a ticking. I totally thought I would have been a mother long before 35!!!

Oh the joys of jacked up fallopian tubes.

So that all I know for now. I will keep you posted.

A tiny little update

(This pic is so weird)

OK M.B. this post is for you my dear :)

Nurse Alaska mailed my protocol and it arrived Saturday. I don't really understand what it all means! I left a message for Nurse Alaska telling her I received the paper work and was ready to go through it with her. She text me back and let me know she would be calling tomorrow around 3pm my time.

At this point it looks like we should be starting this process in about 14 days. Tomorrow I will have an exact timeline. We should be in Alaska sometime mid May. I think!!

I know its not much of an update but I truly won't know details until tomorrow.

I promise to update once Nurse Alaska sets me straight.

Back on the Doctor Anderson train

Since the day I called Dr. Anderson's clinic in Alaska I have had a really good feeling about the place. I have called TONS of clinics over the past year or so and Dr. Anderson's clinic has had the nicest staff hands down. I was 99% positive I wanted to fly 4,500 miles so that Dr. Anderson could be my doctor without even speaking to him. I was sure because my wonderful friend Jen's Aunt Michelle (Aunt Michelle is the QUEEN of IVF) said he was awesome. And then I did a bit of research of my own and the couple ladies I found that had used Dr. Anderson loved him. Once I called the clinic and spoke with IVF coordinator I was sold. She was beyond helpful.

I was sold until last week when I became discouraged by how hard it was to get in contact with the doctor. He would call late and I would always miss his calls. So last week I started calling different clinics looking for a new doctor. I also called the clinic I have a relationship here. BLAH. I was so unhappy with everyone I called. I just kept thinking I know Dr. Anderson is my doctor.

Well today he called and I was able to talk to him. I asked if he thought it was nuts that we would be traveling sooooooooo far to use him. He said not a bit. He has had patients from all over the country. He is a very nice man.

Tomorrow I will contact his nurse and get this party started.

Thank you to all the wonderful gals that are using or have used Dr. Anderson for the wonderful information and advice. Alaska has the nicest freaking people :)

Game on ladies!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back to square one

OK so I WAS super excited about using Doctor Anderson in Alaska. BUT I think I have had a change of heart.

I called the Alaska clinic the first week of January. The IVF coordinator was so super nice. She asked me to send in all of my medical records, fill out a bunch of paperwork and she would have the doctor review my records and call me for a phone consultation. So I rushed and rushed getting everything together.

I waited a couple weeks with no word. I called the office and she said the doctor is super busy and there was one other phone consultation ahead of me. No problem. A couple more weeks went by and still no word. I called once again and she said I was next. Awesome.

The phone call finally came last Wednesday at 10:45 PM!!!!!! OK wow. I was sound asleep. I saw the missed call and message when I woke up the next morning. Dr. Anderson left a very sweet message apologizing for calling so late and asked me to call back.

I called back Friday and he was out of the office. So the phone tag began. He returned my call Monday at 10:45 PM. Once again I was asleep. He also called last night around 9:45 PM. Bless his heart :)

At that point I am thinking the three hour time difference may really be a problem. The 4,500 miles may be a little too far. Plus the busy/expensive season in Alaska starts in May. I was hoping to get this party started before May. At this rate that will never happen. I hear wonderful things about Dr. Anderson and I am sure he is a wonderful doctor but I don't think he is the one for us.

Today I am calling the overpriced fancy fertility clinic by my house. The doctors at the clinic here are very nice. The coordinator is not so nice but whatever, its close.

Who knows, I may change my mind again in a week but for now I am moving on.

I wish all my sweet bloggie friends who are using Dr. Alaska the best of luck. I am jealous.

Tagged!!

Tagged!



My sweetie pie bloggy friend from http://crossingmyfingersbutnotmylegs.blogspot.com/ tagged me =).


Rule #1: the tagged person must write their answers on their blog and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

Rule #2: tag 4 people to do this quiz; they cannot refuse (ok, so nothing bad will happen if you don’t participate but I would love to see your answers). The tag-ee must state who tagged them.


1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals or are they members of your family?
Ohhhhh my doggies are my babies. I adore them with all of my heart and soul!!


2. If you could have a dream come true, what would it be?
For little baby Tripp to live pain free. Truly. I think about this sweet baby day and night!!!


3. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Save all the helpless children and animals in the world.


4. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?
Umm I guess a little trashy tv. Anything on Bravo seems to do the trick.


5. What is your bedtime routine, with your kids?
No kids.



6. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your significant other?
Jason and I met 17+ years ago!! We were 17 when we met. His brother and my cousin were dating at the time and they thought we should meet. A lot has happened in the past 17 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


7. What kind of books do you read?
Love me some Billie Letts



8. How do you see yourself in 10 years?
Fat and hopefully happy as a pig in shit :)


9. What’s your fear?
That I wont be a mother.


10. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to see outer space?
Never


11. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
COFFEE (the dogs have a dog door so I am not being selfish here)


12. If you could change one thing about your significant other, what would it be?
Ahhhhh he is so dang cute (corny I know) but ummmm nothing really.


13. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?
I have the most common name in the freaking world. It's fine. It seems to work for my uncommon ass.


14. If you had to choose between six months of sun or six months of rain, what would you choose?
Come on children SUN ALL THE WAY!!



15. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?
Candy



16. What is the thing you enjoy about blogging the most?
Connecting with others going through IF and helping each other -agree with the others



17. Do you prefer salty or sweet foods?
Sweetttttttttttttttt


18. What items are in your purse right now?
I am such a grandma. I have anything and everything you could ever need. Its like Boy Scout shit.



19. If you had to choose between vacationing at the beach or in the mountains where would you go? 
Hands down Mountains.


20. What do you watch on television that you know you shouldn’t?
Bravo all the way baby. I could watch that trash 24/7


Four people I tagged:

http://adventuresofendointhearctic.blogspot.com/


http://fourbabies4us.blogspot.com/


http://www.awomb4rent.blogspot.com/


http://bartandpaige.blogspot.com/

Happy Love Day to all my LOVELY Ladies.

Thank you for the blog awards!!!

Ladies thank you soooooo much for the blog awards. I am so sorry I am such a slacker and have yet to follow the rules of receiving such a sweet award!!! I love all my bloggie ladies and promise to follow up with soon, soon, soon. Thanks for being so freaking awesome everyone.

Spreading the word about Anton!!!!!!!!

Click on link below

http://jenlovesjason.blogspot.com/2011/02/spreading-word-about-anton.html

Peaceful dream

Last night I had a dream that was so real. I dreamt I had a baby girl. Not a new born but a little one that was old enough to sit up in a high chair. She had the most amazing brown eyes and was super mellow. She was sitting in her high chair and I was feeding her carrot baby food. I was really worried I wasn't feeding her the correct amount. I kept thinking I need to call my friend Jen and Jen will know how much I need to feed her.

This is not he first time I have had a dream about having a child. The crazy thing is, is every time I have a dream like this its the most peaceful dream. The lighting in my dream is perfect, the feeling I have is complete and total AWE. They are so real. And another weird thing is I never dream of a new born. It's always of a baby who is a bit older. But it's always so peaceful. It's nice.

I am sure I had the dream last night because Jason dropped a few baby names yesterday, my Mom and I text a couple baby names back and forth and I googled places to stay and see in Alaska (where the IVF doctor is located) for HOURS and HOURS yesterday.

Happy Monday Everyone. I hope you have a great week.

Still here

Still here, still wondering, still doubting, still nervous, still excited, still naive, still scared shitless, still ready to get this show on the road.

Scared I will let my husband down. Scared he wont be a father because of me. (This is a major fight I have with myself daily)

Fearful and doubt are the name of this interfiles game.

BUT there is a naivety and hope that runs DEEP in me. Those two things are stronger than any doubt I may have so I keep on truckin'.

As much as I hate the situation we are in I wouldn't change it for the world because it has made me see amazing kindness in others and their desire for us to have children is as strong as ours.

There is a sweet girls blog I read and recently when she wrote she got a BFN from her first IVF attempt I let out a huge gasp and covered my face in complete disbelief. My heart was broken for her. I wanted to reach out and hug her. I wanted to be there for her and cry with her. I felt every bit of her broken heart. And while I hate that I have this connection with other I also feel comfort that none of us are alone in our struggles.

My minds eye paints such an awesome picture of our future children. All will be well in the end. I will keep on truckin'.

Thank you all for you love and support. Your kindness is what keeps me going!!!!!!!!!

(M.B. this post is for you :) )

The perfect gift!!

My husband bought me the most wonderful Christmas gift. He ordered it forever ago, it's was stuck in some post office hub for 15 days!!!!!!!! Whatever, it's ok because it arrived today and its so freaking tender I want to eat it. I found this necklace over a year ago and asked for it for Christmas. I am so excited!!!!!!!!

The quote is BEAUTIFUL.

"TO YOU MY CHILD, MY BODY IS OPEN, BY EARTH, FIRE, WIND & SEA INTO MY ARMS I PRAY YOU SHALL BE."

http://www.etsy.com/transaction/39955887

Everyone of my lovely baby challenged ladies should check it out. Plus the lady who makes the jewelry is the sweetest person I have ever worked with, EVER.

Sharing is caring

Just to be clear about the $5,000 Alaska deal. This does NOT included ALL the blood work, ultrasounds, semen analysis, etc that will need to be done prior to seeing the doctor. Insurance will NOT cover any of these tests!!!! Also $5,000 does NOT include travel expenses. While this may turn out to be a great deal for us, its still going to be very expensive.

Also I am sharing the pricing in hopes to help anyone else out there searching and searching and searching for the right IVF doctor at the right price. I have searched the web high and low regarding infertility and have found some really great info from people who willing to sharing very personal information. It's not always fun to share your financial situation or the fact that your body is "jacked up" BUT if by sharing my personal struggles I helps others than I will share, share, share. I can't tell you how many stories I have read regarding couples throwing in the towel because they just don't have the money. It's heartbreaking. So if we all share our personal struggles and pass on important info collected along the way we can hopefully help one another with this lovely little "thing" called INFERTILITY. If I was left to travel down the "babyless" road without other ladies sharing their stories and giving me HOPE I would have given up by now.

I wish everyone the very best. I hate that I have to be apart of the "can't make a baby without a perti dish club"  but it truly is the most lovely bunch of ladies I have ever come across.

Hoping to make babies in Alaska

OK so I think we found our IVF doctor. I am 95% positive we are using Doctor John Nels Anderson in Soldontna ALASKA!!! With meds this man charges under $5,000!!!!!!! That's right!!! $5,000!!!! I know, I know it seems to good to be true but its not. He is the real deal. He's is not the right man for every one's situation but in  my case he hopefully will be. So it looks like we may be traveling 4,500 miles to make babies in Alaska. Tons more to come on Dr. Anderson but I will wait until I receive all my paperwork before I go on and on and on. (Thanks for the info Anutie M.!!!!!!!)

A sweet new little friend of mine told me about a couple other great clinic offering good pricing (one in New York and one in New Jersey). I have learned I do NOT need to do IVF in Louisiana. Many woman travel for treatment. That makes me very happy because Louisiana clinics are so expensive.

http://cnyfertility.com/

http://www.ccivf.com/

Side note: I KNOW IVF and infertility treatments are not ALL about the money BUT if money can be saved then I say do it.

I hope this is a blessed year for all of us.

Grateful as one can be

My heart is FULL right now. I am amazed by the love and concern people have for us and our "need" to have a baby.

Here is a little list of all the goodness that has me so damn full:

My dear friend Jen told another friend about our struggles. Her friend has been in our boat and beyond. Well her friend K has emailed me everyday with the most useful and solid advice. I am a total stranger to her and she take TONS of her time to write these wonderfully detailed emails regarding good clinic across America, cheap meds and so on.

My sweet Mother tries to keeps me from losing my head and letting my mind run away from me.

Auntie M. I feel like her word is golden. What she says goes. I trust her with my life. She tried and tried and tried and tried IVF and finally got her babies. She's like a little pot of gold. HOPE!!
And then there is my friend Marianna. I have known her for YEARS. Her and I have always had a connection. You know those good friends that you don't talk to for years and then bam you talk one day and its like you never missed a day. Well she's one of those yummy little friends. She sent me the cutest little Christmas card and I received it yesterday. I put her card in my tree for all to adore. She text me tonight and said, "Did you get your Christmas card?". I text her back that I got the card and loved it. She text me back and said, "Did you look in the envelope?" Ummmmmmmmmmm oops.......... She text me back said look in the envelope. Thank goodness I had not tossed the envelope yet. I found the envelope, pecked inside and found a check. This was not any old check. This was a check for a thousand dollars. In the memo was written IVF fund. Needless to say I was shocked. I am still shocked. The weird thing is seconds before she sent me the text regarding the card I was rubbing, YES rubbing a tick out of my sweet doggies head. I was on the verge of tears and throwing up from that when she text me about the card. My body went from being grossed out and feeling so bad for my doggie to JOY!! I called her the second I laid eyes on the check. My body wanted to laugh, cry, jump, yell......... I sounded like a crazy lady while talking to her trying to find the right words to express my gratitude. She of course was kind and said all the things only a true friend would know to say. Man oh man I am still so shocked. What a wonderul woman. Thank you Marianne!!!!

So you see my heart is full of love and gratitude right now. It's truly amazing how people care so much. I am thankful to all of you for understanding our struggles and doing everything you can to make us feel loved.

PS Bandit's tick is out. ALL the way out. I googled how to get a tick out and some really smart dude said rub that sucker fast in a clockwise direction until it backs out. Let me tell you how f-ing fun that was!!!! Grossest shit ever. I was dry heaving and gagging when I was done. Sweet Bandit layed there like a good boy. He has a big hole in his head but all seems to be well.

What a day!!!

Have yourself a Merry little Christmas

Thank you!!

I want to thank all of you who purchased Pampered Chef items from my sister-in-law for the IVF fundraiser she put together for us.  I am sorry I haven't thank you sooner. Please forgive me :) Your kindness and support means the world to us. So many people have offered emotional and financial support and that fills my heart with such overwhelming gratitude knowing you all want Jason and I to have a family as desperately as we do. We love you all. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's therapeutic

Lately I have been making tons of little girl clothes, bows and now a baby blanket. I truly feel like its therapeutic. It's cute seeing little girl clothes laying around. Big fluffy bows piled on the kitchen table. And now a baby blanket folded nicely waiting for a baby to wrap and keep warm. My plan was to make the blanket and sell it but I feel a little bond with this blanket. Its the first blanket I have ever made so I feel like I should keep it just in case!! Maybe I will sell the next one and keep this one for my future babies :)

October 15th

I wish Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness was not needed, as we all do. If you have experienced this type of loss my heart breaks for you. I know how it feels to see a positive pregnancy test, over and over and over and then......nothing. Complete loss. But thanks to people bringing awareness to these issues hopefully woman (and men) will not grieve alone and will be offered to support they so desperately deserve.

I wish everyone happy, healthy pregnancies and BABIES!!!