Still here

Still here, still wondering, still doubting, still nervous, still excited, still naive, still scared shitless, still ready to get this show on the road.

Scared I will let my husband down. Scared he wont be a father because of me. (This is a major fight I have with myself daily)

Fearful and doubt are the name of this interfiles game.

BUT there is a naivety and hope that runs DEEP in me. Those two things are stronger than any doubt I may have so I keep on truckin'.

As much as I hate the situation we are in I wouldn't change it for the world because it has made me see amazing kindness in others and their desire for us to have children is as strong as ours.

There is a sweet girls blog I read and recently when she wrote she got a BFN from her first IVF attempt I let out a huge gasp and covered my face in complete disbelief. My heart was broken for her. I wanted to reach out and hug her. I wanted to be there for her and cry with her. I felt every bit of her broken heart. And while I hate that I have this connection with other I also feel comfort that none of us are alone in our struggles.

My minds eye paints such an awesome picture of our future children. All will be well in the end. I will keep on truckin'.

Thank you all for you love and support. Your kindness is what keeps me going!!!!!!!!!

(M.B. this post is for you :) )

The perfect gift!!

My husband bought me the most wonderful Christmas gift. He ordered it forever ago, it's was stuck in some post office hub for 15 days!!!!!!!! Whatever, it's ok because it arrived today and its so freaking tender I want to eat it. I found this necklace over a year ago and asked for it for Christmas. I am so excited!!!!!!!!

The quote is BEAUTIFUL.

"TO YOU MY CHILD, MY BODY IS OPEN, BY EARTH, FIRE, WIND & SEA INTO MY ARMS I PRAY YOU SHALL BE."

http://www.etsy.com/transaction/39955887

Everyone of my lovely baby challenged ladies should check it out. Plus the lady who makes the jewelry is the sweetest person I have ever worked with, EVER.

Sharing is caring

Just to be clear about the $5,000 Alaska deal. This does NOT included ALL the blood work, ultrasounds, semen analysis, etc that will need to be done prior to seeing the doctor. Insurance will NOT cover any of these tests!!!! Also $5,000 does NOT include travel expenses. While this may turn out to be a great deal for us, its still going to be very expensive.

Also I am sharing the pricing in hopes to help anyone else out there searching and searching and searching for the right IVF doctor at the right price. I have searched the web high and low regarding infertility and have found some really great info from people who willing to sharing very personal information. It's not always fun to share your financial situation or the fact that your body is "jacked up" BUT if by sharing my personal struggles I helps others than I will share, share, share. I can't tell you how many stories I have read regarding couples throwing in the towel because they just don't have the money. It's heartbreaking. So if we all share our personal struggles and pass on important info collected along the way we can hopefully help one another with this lovely little "thing" called INFERTILITY. If I was left to travel down the "babyless" road without other ladies sharing their stories and giving me HOPE I would have given up by now.

I wish everyone the very best. I hate that I have to be apart of the "can't make a baby without a perti dish club"  but it truly is the most lovely bunch of ladies I have ever come across.

Hoping to make babies in Alaska

OK so I think we found our IVF doctor. I am 95% positive we are using Doctor John Nels Anderson in Soldontna ALASKA!!! With meds this man charges under $5,000!!!!!!! That's right!!! $5,000!!!! I know, I know it seems to good to be true but its not. He is the real deal. He's is not the right man for every one's situation but in  my case he hopefully will be. So it looks like we may be traveling 4,500 miles to make babies in Alaska. Tons more to come on Dr. Anderson but I will wait until I receive all my paperwork before I go on and on and on. (Thanks for the info Anutie M.!!!!!!!)

A sweet new little friend of mine told me about a couple other great clinic offering good pricing (one in New York and one in New Jersey). I have learned I do NOT need to do IVF in Louisiana. Many woman travel for treatment. That makes me very happy because Louisiana clinics are so expensive.

http://cnyfertility.com/

http://www.ccivf.com/

Side note: I KNOW IVF and infertility treatments are not ALL about the money BUT if money can be saved then I say do it.