PLEASE READ!!!!!

Bringing Carson....and John Home: NEED TO MOVE FAST!: "God, we need you. We give this to you Lord. We know that you brought us to this and you can get us through this. We could very well be sub..."

This and that

First off I am SAD. Sad, sad, sad. I have been following http://doihavetobeadink.blogspot.com/ for sometime now. This sweet couple just lost their baby. My heart is broken for them. Hop on over and send her a bit of love.

And I am SAD for my sweet friend http://adventuresofendointhearctic.blogspot.com/ BUT am very happy that she and her honey get to go on a much needed vacation. Have tons of fun sweetie pie.

BUT I am soooooooooo happy for this sweet little mama http://theprincessandthepeestick.blogspot.com/ TWINS!!!! Congrats!!!!!

As for me I am good. We are recovering from the heartache and disappointment of our failed cycle.We have decided to talk about our future IVF plans again in a month, give it a rest for a bit and then work it out. I can't imagine looking at a needle anytime soon (I still have a full sharps container and have no clue what the hell do to with it??????). I think we will try and find a doctor closer to our house BUT I adore Dr. Anderson so I haven't committed to that decision yet.

I feel a bit grumpy (yes Alyssa I am STILL grumpy :) ) and hope to get out of this little funk soon. I turned 35 this weekend and I was really truly thinking we would have a baby by now or at least pregnant for crying out loud. So my birthday was a little weird because I keep thinking I missed my little goal or something. So now I hope to have a child by the time I am 40!!! Five years should be long enough. HA!!! That was a joke.

I wish everyone the best of luck with their upcoming cycles.

That's all.

xoxoxo

Cancelled!!!!!!

We had to cancel this cycle. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

Dr. Anderson called with today's numbers.......... 9,000!!!!!! I haven't taken follistim since Thursday morning for crying out loud. He was super sweet and felt really badly about the entire deal. He said he can't believe my estradiol went from 1,600 Tuesday and just took off like a rocket from there.

I need some major rest. I want my body back. NO MORE MEDS!! I just want to feel like JEN again, please!!

Thank goodness we are in Alaska. This place really softens the blow :)

Coasting

Still here. Still waiting. Coasting.

I had blood work yesterday and my estrodiol was at 6,000. FUCK! (sorry)

Tuesday- I don't know the number but Doc said it was perfect!! Right where it should have been.
Wednesday- My ovaries went wild
Thursday it was 5,000
Friday around 9,000 (he's guessing)
Saturday 6,000

I had a blood draw this morning and I am waiting to hear back this afternoon. Doc said he needs to see a pretty big drop in order to continue. He just let another lady coast for three days and it worked out so it could work for me too. I think my numbers are much higher than hers. Who knows.

I am beyond drained. I am soooooo tired. My stomach is HUGE. We are coasting and it SUCKS!!!!!!!

BUT Alaska is amazing so all is well :)

Estradiol is sky flipping high

Alaska is beautiful. We LOVE it here.

We haven't had Internet in our hotel until today!!

So yesterday I have my estradiol checked and it was at 5,000!!!!! Not good. I was scheduled to take my trigger shot at 8am this morning. Everything looks great other than that stupid number. It might be around 9,000 today!!! I am off Follotim and we are going to recheck my estradiol Saturday. If it doesn't go down this party is over.

That's all I've got for now ladies. We are off to explore a bit. We are both tired and over all drained. We just need to spend a little time enjoying Alaska to keep our minds off of everything.

Peace out

You could fit Louisiana into Alaska 13 times! One-fifth the size of the Lower 48, Alaska is bigger than Texas, California, and Montana combined!




OK people the time has come. We are Alaska bound tomorrow morning 7:30AM!!!

Had an ultrasound and blood work this morning. Everything looks great. Medicine is working. My uterus looks "excellent".

We are going to miss our doggies sooooooooooo freaking much. I wish they could come along. They would LOVE the cool weather.

My wonderfully sweet sister-in-law Lela (and bother-in-law) gave us a very, very nice gift. I love you two so much and I'm thankful you are my family.

Love you all. I will update as soon.

Mother's Day

Face*book is not the place to be today!! I am a dummy and logged in this morning after about 2 minutes of, "There is no more important job than a mother", "Re-post this if you are a mother", "Without my kids I am nothing", blah, blah, blah. I mean I don't want the entire world to be infertile but goodness me FB is depressing today.

So Happy (trying to be a, working on it dammit) Mother's Day to all my sweet girls. If your little frozen embryos could send a card they surely would :)

And Happy Mother's Day to my cute as ever Mom.

Love you all to pieces.

Good times with Follistim

I started my meds yesterday. Lupron (0.1 ml) twice a day and Follistim (150 IU) once a day.

I woke up yesterday excited and ready to go. I decided to try and give myself the injections. I was scared shitless but I DID IT!!! Not to bad. No real pain involved UNTIL around 3pm when my head started killing me. I felt woozy and just overall crappy. I left work at 5pm and was in bed by 5:45pm. I was asleep in no time. My husband woke me up for my 7pm shot. The plan all along has been for him to give me the injections. I got everything ready so that he could just give me the shot and be done. He had the needle in his hand and I was pinching the skin on my belly. He stuck the needle in and immediately pulled it out. I was shocked and asked him in a tired confused voice what happened. He thought he stick my finger. GOOD TIMES!! So he tried again and all went well. I went right back to bed.

I woke up this morning feeling much better. We did the shots again but this time I was laying on the bed so he had a better view of my belly. Everything went smoothly. He was very careful and it didn't hurt a bit.

This entire time I have been afraid of the actual shots and haven't once thought about the side effects. I had no idea the side effects would be sooooooooooooooooo instant. I work with a girl that did IVF in November and she said she felt the effect instantly also. She helped me feel less nuts :)

So other than having a mild headache that seems to be creeping up on me again today and feeling a bit woozy, all is well.

Plan tickets are purchased (thanks Daddy D) hotel is booked, rental car is reserved, doggie baby sitter has been given his duties, luggage is out and the ball is rolling. I need to stop by a medical supply store this weekend and purchase something to keep my meds cold for our 15 hour flight.

Thanks to everyone for all of your love and support.

Wishing everyone the very best

Ladies (Jen, Lindsey, Tiffany..........All of you)

TONS of ladies are starting meds this week and I want to wish you all the very best.

I start my meds on the 5th. I know the feelings you are having right now and the crazy thoughts that are running through your head. Wild and crazy thoughts.

I wish you a pain free, stress free and easy going cycle. I hope you get all the love and support you deserve. I pray your bodies are strong and healthy. I pray your doctor has a sharp mind and steady hand. I hope all your dreams come true!!!!! I truly do.

I heard a great quote the other day, "99 is not 100." So simple and so true. We share empty yet full hearts. Missing just a little piece. I love you all and pray we all find what we are looking for.


On a side note: The documentary film "Wasteland" is the best of the best. It will break your heart and fill you with hope all in the same breath.

"In a shining lesson, a wise old man imparts the necessity of recycling each and every possible item, valuing everything, “because 99 is not 100.” There is always more you can do; there is always a unique individual who can do something special in this world."